This blog is dedicated to all of the girls that are only “gay for you.” I have been out for almost 13 years now and yet I’ve never slept with a total “Lesbian”. My friends all joke that my gaydar is broken and instead I am plagued with the all mighty Please be gaydar. You’ll be reading stories of the girls I’ve been with and each experience and lesson they have taught me and given to my life. Mixed in with random posts of thoughts and things that pop in my head.
*I don’t own all of the pics* All names and some places have been changed to protect anyone’s identity* (By clicking any links – there is a potential commission I will make.)
“People are too complicated to have simple labels.” – Philip Pullman
**UPDATE: 1/22/2019** I’ve been writing this blog since June 2018 – it hasn’t been long but it’s taken off well past my expectations. It’s been viewed in just over 100 countries, I’ve sold a custom made shirt and custom made pair of socks through it. I am beyond excited to see it grow even more and what else I can do through it’s platform; so keep your eyes pealed for more posts, more products and more stories!
I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories… it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that you’d come around but you haven’t and you aren’t going to. I had hopes and dreams of us lasting a lifetime and instead we lasted a season.
I’ve deleted you and your family from all social media, it only took me a year but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d delete your number but It’d be pointless since I know it by heart. I hate the way this feels, the “letting go” part but I hate the way I feel inside more. I can’t drive to the airport without remembering what it felt like to drive there hand in hand with you, to hug you goodbye and failing at doing my best not to cry. I remember what it felt like to have our time together and how genuinely happy you used to make me. Now I get angry, I should be able to make myself that happy, I should be enough for myself and yet here I am constantly angry, constantly upset and more often than not crying as I lay in bed trying to sleep.
Too many little things remind me of you, so I am left with no choice but to move on. I have to embrace the pain of letting you go, even when it makes me angry. I have to be stronger than the pain in order to survive and thrive again. It’s time that I do what I need to, to find my happiness again. They say happiness is an inside job, so bring on the soul searching.
This has been a little work in progress for a while and it’s finally ready. Back when I had first started this blog, we created a shirt that was the “Please Be Gay Bae” shirt. Well we have the socks up now that are literally a pot of tacos at the end of a rainbow.
For those that need a little explanation, it’s often joked about that “Lesbians” LOVE “Tacos”… I took that joke and ran with it, that’s how I like to try and look at everything in life. Whether someone is making fun of you directly or making jokes about something that means a lot to you personally. Laugh it off and create something from it, show them they can’t hurt you – only helping you become a better and more successful person.
The link will be at the bottom of this page, you can get your own pair through the Rage On website!
Also if you’d like to see the mystery woman behind the design – she has a lot of neat products on her page! darlyssadesigns.com
Link for the socks: GET YOUR Pot of Tacos Socks
The evening had already been filled with laughter and gossip, catching up on so much news I felt I had missed since the last time we were together. It was a simple evening just the two of us but we hadn’t stopped laughing and gossiping and of course the alcohol flowed as it always does allowing for more conversation to expand past just friends, we laughed and joked about girls, guys, our experiences and even sex toys. Standing in the kitchen I couldn’t help catching a moment as I looked at her, I felt as if I was looking at her with someone else’s eyes, seeing something different maybe. It was just in that split second, nothing more, but in that time I felt a little too turned on, or was it just all of that alcohol flowing through my body. Watching her in a way she laughed, her relaxed demeanor, she this radiant glow revealing the little wild spirit hidden deep inside her that I enjoyed to see.
I quietly watched as she reached in to the fridge to get a little more to drink, ensuring our glasses stayed topped up while our night continued. As she did, I found myself feeling a little more playful and without any thought I touched and I grabbed her arm to help balance her as she swung the fridge door shut. An innocent movement but in doing so and making that physical connection I felt a spark of excitement, like fireworks exploding in my chest. I’m still not sure why, but I did. Our bodies were close, as they had been most of that night, allowing us the intimacy to talk and chat and pour our drinks. I loved that I could smell the thousand kisses perfume she always wore, a perfume I only ever associated with her. I became more aware of the closeness but I found it suddenly more attractive and so extremely intimate. It was just a second, that’s all it took, a second in which I caught her eye, the talking stopped in that moment I found myself leaning in and kissing her soft, gentle lips. I didn’t hesitate or move, but found her kissing me back. Our lips at first testing the response before allowing so much more to happen. I closed my eyes and enjoyed that moment we were exploring together as we kissed with passion and appeal, neither of us pulling away.
I hugged her in close to me and lifted her up onto the counter, her hand stretched out to the side of the fridge and knocking magnets off. We pulled away from that kiss and laughed, my hand rested on her jaw line as we looked into each other’s eyes. She smirked at me and leaned in for another kiss, content and comfortable; our kisses continued. Our hands moving around each other’s bodies and through each other’s hair. I pulled away from her and said “wait right here.” I ran to my bedroom because I wanted to try out a new toy I had just gotten. I came back and she grabbed my face, pulling me into her kiss.
Continue reading “Tiff”
When I think about “Happy Me” my mind races back to you.
It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. “Happy Me” is playing in snow, laughing out loud.
My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind gets stuck on your eyes, your smirk, you making fun of me. My mind gets stuck on you, for days at a time.
When I think of “Happy Me” I get sad because Happy Me, she is still head over heels in love with you. “Happy Me,” she’s not over you – how am I supposed to be “Happy Me” again when she isn’t happy anymore?
I let you kiss me with wine on your lips; when I don’t even really like wine, but I took that dose from your lips. I got drunk from your drunkenness and remembered why it’s always late whenever you call.
All of the half assed friendships and half assed love interests..
I’m not a drunken call or text to come over. I’m not a convenient friend, I’m not an option to you or anyone else for that matter. I’ve made myself a priority when it comes to lov eand friendship and I wont’ let myself forget that ever again.
Do not mistake me for that same girl. It’s light outside and I care more about myself now. Do not mistake me for that same girl ready to love you while you only can give halfway.
I don’t need you. Text someone else when the wine hits.
Whenever I am going through a difficult time, I may hesitate to call even my best friends because I don’t want to burden them with my troubles. This is especially true when I’ve been going through several challenges, even repeat challenges and I start to feel like I sound like a broken record.
It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it’s a good time for them before we start talking, and if it’s not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend.
I know for myself that when I have a good friend, I don’t want them to suffer alone when I am just a simple and sometimes not so simple phone call away. I want them to call me and share their sorrows with me, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about.
It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying about if we are a burden or not. I never want anyone to feel bad about coming to me, chances are I will reassure you that I am more than happy to be there for you. In fact, rather than feeling burdened, I always feel better when I have been able to help a friend simply by listening emphatically while they vent or cry.
Without our friends, we would be distressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when you include your friends in the full story of your life–the good, the bad, the ugly and the in between –you begin to build authentic friendships that allow us to be who we truly are.
So if you ever feel like you need an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on or anything else; call on me to be your friend. I’ll be there.
I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart.
It’s exhausting loving someone and treating someone with their best interest at heart but when do you put your best interest first?
When do you say enough is enough, when do you stop giving so many extra chances?
I’ll always give you my best shot, I’ll always give you 110%. I’ll always give you everything I can but if it starts to seem like a one way relationship or it’s always me trying to make it work. I can’t promise you I’ll stick around.
If I’m giving you my attention and time and I’m involving you in my world or at least attempting to…I am doing it because I want you to be a part of my life, because I want more with you.
Everyone says “I’m not like the rest.” The thing is though I’m not, you just have to give me the chance to prove it. You’ve got to give me a real chance!