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Listen Lesbians! LOL

This blog is dedicated to all of the girls that are only “gay for you.”  I have been out for almost 13 years now and yet I’ve never slept with a total “Lesbian”.  My  friends all joke that my gaydar is broken and instead I am plagued with the all mighty Please be gaydar.  You’ll be reading stories of the girls I’ve been with and each experience and lesson they have taught me and given to my life.  Mixed in with random posts of thoughts and things that pop in my head.

*I don’t own all of the pics* All names and some places have been changed to protect anyone’s identity* (By clicking any links – there is a potential commission I will make.)

“People are too complicated to have simple labels.”  – Philip Pullman

 

**UPDATE: 1/22/2019**  I’ve been writing this blog since June 2018 – it hasn’t been long but it’s taken off well past my expectations.  It’s been viewed in just over 100 countries, I’ve sold a custom made shirt and custom made pair of socks through it.  I am beyond excited to see it grow even more and what else I can do through it’s platform; so keep your eyes pealed for more posts, more products and more stories!

Be a Good Human.

I am an advocate for a company called Only Human.

There was a post they put up today on Facebook that has changed a few thoughts/self awareness in me.  “Pro tip: think about the things you say online and to humans who you may think aren’t listening. Turn on more lights than you turn off. Listen more than you speak. And when you do talk, make sure you say it from your heart and not your ego.”

I am someone who tends to speak with my ego more often than not.  I am someone who turns the lights out rather than even trying to flip one back on.  I am someone with a short fuse and it seems to be getting shorter as the days go by, I need to re-evaluate myself and pay attention to the lights I’m not turning on.  I am someone that needs to step outside of myself and see what others are looking at.

It’s good to learn and grow and change, change is natural and it is necessary to become a better version of myself.   I need to work on being a good human to everyone again.

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Check on the website below

(my code is free to use for the discount!)

www.onlyhumanco.com

You can use the code OHCaylaW for 15% off any purchases you make.

 

Pain

 

While it is painful to forget someone, it is also painful to wait for someone but the truest pain, the toughest pain is trying to decide if you should wait or forget.

Pain will always come and go.  It is just one major component to the grand scheme of life and love.  It is in fact one of life’s great teachers, but it is necessary to move through it and not get stuck.

Pain can and will serve as a necessary teacher.

When we were children, it was natural for us to cry or throw a temper tantrum, it allowed the experience to move through us. Through the tears, yelling and crying, our emotions would flee and we would be washed clean in a sense.

As we got older we noticed and learned that expressing emotion in such a way was no longer appropriate, and so we were forced to develop coping strategies to deal with our feelings and emotions.

We may have begun bottling things up or just chose to run away from all of it.

Perhaps we fell into a state of mind that staying closed off and unwilling to try new things as it would keep us safe from any potential heartbreak, it would keep us safe from any rejection, and most definitely safe from future failures.

Pain comes with a sadistic side to it as well, no matter how well we know someone or something is bad for us; we continue to chase them, we continue to wait for them.  It leads us to have an inner war with ourselves as to why we should not let them go, why we should see what could happen.

If you’ve ever gotten a tattoo – there is a therapeutic release that occurs for some of us.  The pain brings ease, getting a tattoo relieves stress for me.  Many girls dye or cut their hair after a break up, to that I say… Screw Cupid’s Arrow; hit me with a tattoo needle!

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Love VS Friendship

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They always say fall in love with your best friend – but what if you fall truly in love.

I am guilty of this countless times, I have done it as long as I can remember; it also hurts a lot differently as a lesbian or gay man – you ultimately fall in love with someone that is NOT capable of giving you the same love in return, under any circumstance.  Yes, it’s fun to flirt and joke around but there are true feelings on your end that ARE in fact getting hurt.  Yeah it’s great to cuddle and kiss randomly because it’s “fun” for them – at the end of the day though, you only end up hurting yourself because you know where they stand and that it’ll never be what you want it to be.

If you’ve ever had a straight best friend that you’ve loved and had to remind yourself, it’ll never be.  It’s a tortuous cycle to put yourself through, you just really don’t have a choice except figure out how to put the feelings to the side (because we all know, there is no “turning off” your true feelings.)

All of my friends mean the world to me and I wouldn’t change the relationships for anything – that doesn’t stop me from wishing and dreaming that in another time, in another place… it would’ve happened.

 

 

Non-Attachment

I’m practicing non-attachment.  Accepting what comes and allowing it to leave when it’s time.

What’s for me will be for me effortlessly.  

Non-attachment is also known as detachment, which is when someone can overcome a desire for people, places, things and concepts of life.  Through non-attachment someone will experience a perspective to life that is peaceful and freeing.  You don’t let anything “own” you, you just let go of it.

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Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.

– The Dalai Lama

 

“Let Go” is more or less a slogan for life but once you do in fact learn to let go, there is this breath of fresh air that exhales the stress and sadness from your life (at least for me that is what happened.)

Non-attachment has brought me a sense of freedom, I practice it every day.  When something goes wrong or upsets me – I don’t get tangled in the emotions.  I have just simply learned and am still learning to let it go.  My inner peace is far to important and detachment has taught me it’s okay to let yourself let go.

I’ve noticed that recently the problems of this world create compassion in me rather than anger.  I don’t chase after happiness.  I simply enjoy it when it’s present, and release it when it dissolves.  My heart has continued to just grow bigger and bigger, I was worried I’d stop feeling love but instead I have felt it even more.

Non-attachment has freed me because I am in charge of my mind and my emotions now.

Little Humans

I am an advocate for a company called Only Human, we are a group of people that is growing – we believe that no one is on a “list.”  Whether you are Gay, Straight, Black, White or anything – that’s not what you are, you are simply HUMAN.

Many women and Men in that group have kids, they are raising their little humans with those same beliefs.  It is something that I love to see and hear about, children have an innocence to them that is something we all used to possess.  Now I’m not saying they are so innocent that they don’t see color – I’m saying they see it but they don’t have a bias to it.  They simply see another child, another mom, another grandpa. 

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Children’s innocence is pure simplicity, they are putty that can be formed and molded into whoever they will become down the road.  If you not only teach, but match your actions to the idea of equality and love rather than hatred; your child will follow suit.  They are sponges and deserve a chance at a better life than we witness and see today.  They deserve to know what is right and wrong, they deserve to learn when something is in-just.    They can’t learn though, when you aren’t teaching them.  They can’t learn when the world is already so divided.  So be a good human and treat everyone as such; there are little humans that are relying on us.

Use my code OHCAYLAW for 15% off in the Only Human shop!

 

One Day

“Happily ever after”

Finding your forever, building a family, making life long memories; that’s the dream isn’t it?

I’ve been watching friend after friend get married, start a family and live all of the moments I’ve been dreaming of. Measuring my life up against anybody else is a waste of time because I will never be them and they will never be me.

I know “one day” it’ll happen and my time will come to have these moments in life but the process of waiting for it is annoying. Literally feel like I am trying to find forever in all the wrong places.

Until then though, I will continue to enjoy the baby snuggles and moments I get to share along side my friends with their little ones.

I will continue to travel and make memories that I can one day tell as stories to my children.

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It is what it is

Nothing I ever do seems good enough for anyone, maybe that’s why I am so hard on myself and why I am constantly angry with myself. How could I expect myself to have confidence and an ounce of self worth and pride when I don’t get it from anyone else in my life.

I’m not stupid, I know I care too much, I love too hard, forgive too easily and I know I come off too strong. I feel like I do this to make up for whatever it is I may be “missing” inside myself. Yes, a lot of people take advantage of it and a lot of people try to walk all over me.

9 times out of 10, I lay down and take it. Then there are those rare occasions that I choose to stand up for myself, stand up for what I believe in.

I tirelessly work towards a future and whatever I think will make me happy; yes it changes often.

I don’t really know where I was going with this post, besides the fact that I know I have a good heart and if that’s not enough for you or if it’s “too much”… well it’s going to be your loss from now on.

I’m no longer blaming myself and giving out unnecessary apologies for being who I am.

-Goodnight