There’s three sides in this war; me, myself and I.
I think all three sides are fighting for the same thing but none want to accept it. I’m not 100% sure where any of the three sides stands firmly on either side of this war though, each day is a different view, a different argument and a different battle.
To love and to be loved, isn’t that what almost everyone wants? Well I used to think that love was everything and without it, I was nothing. There was something so magical about having someone with you 24/7, someone to go to and be there for. Yet, now I am not even certain it’s something as important in my life any longer. Is marriage really worth it any more? Is marriage even the goal for anyone that is single today? It sure doesn’t seem like it. I know people who get married for all of the wrong reasons and are never genuinely happy.
Marriage, that’s a touchy topic for most people. As for me, every day is a different thought. I’ve got friends getting married left and right, finding their “forever’s” and starting families. Everything in me screams to follow suit but then there is that little voice that whispers, travel, adventure, explore the world. Which that is a dream of mine but when I get home from those adventures, when that wanderlust is satisfied… I walk in the door and it’s just me there. I have no one to come home to, it’s a straight shot from cloud nine to the ground with no parachute.
Then the side that is for myself I have yet to figure out what it wants either. This side says things like “I’m not looking for something serious”, “I’m open to seeing what happens”, “I want to take things slow.” Only to end up rushing into things and wanting more but not getting anything back. On the flip side, when things do show some kind of connection and as if it is going somewhere, I turn face and run. I hide myself, in hopes of protecting my own heart I guess; I’m really not sure. I have watched friends who say they’re so in love but on the inside, they have settled for less than what they deserve. It’s a catch 22 pretty much. I know myself too well and I know what is going to happen, yet I still let it.
My friends and family that are married, they laugh and joke “I thank God I don’t have to date anymore, it’s not what it used to be.” “Dating is a joke in today’s world.” Well guess what y’all? Anyone that is trying to date and find a “forever,” they’re stuck in this world – we are stuck trying to find a “forever” in a world filled with liars, players, cheaters and people afraid of commitment. So be cautious when you say that, be aware that maybe someone is hurting and struggling with deciding if it’s even worth it for them, despite how much deep down they do want that forever kind of love.