It’s time

I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories… it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that you’d come around but you haven’t and you aren’t going to. I had hopes and dreams of us lasting a lifetime and instead we lasted a season.

I’ve deleted you and your family from all social media, it only took me a year but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d delete your number but It’d be pointless since I know it by heart. I hate the way this feels, the “letting go” part but I hate the way I feel inside more. I can’t drive to the airport without remembering what it felt like to drive there hand in hand with you, to hug you goodbye and failing at doing my best not to cry. I remember what it felt like to have our time together and how genuinely happy you used to make me. Now I get angry, I should be able to make myself that happy, I should be enough for myself and yet here I am constantly angry, constantly upset and more often than not crying as I lay in bed trying to sleep.

Too many little things remind me of you, so I am left with no choice but to move on. I have to embrace the pain of letting you go, even when it makes me angry. I have to be stronger than the pain in order to survive and thrive again. It’s time that I do what I need to, to find my happiness again. They say happiness is an inside job, so bring on the soul searching.

Advertisements

One thought on “It’s time

  1. I’m proud of you. You will be happy. You deserve to be happy. I can only hope that one day you will look in the mirror and see your beauty and your genuine smile, and how amazing of a person you are the way I see you. Every day is a new opportunity to find all the reasons you’ve made it this far and every day is a new chance at making yourself happy.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s