Tiff

The evening had already been filled with laughter and gossip, catching up on so much news I felt I had missed since the last time we were together. It was a simple evening just the two of us but we hadn’t stopped laughing and gossiping and of course the alcohol flowed as it always does allowing for more conversation to expand past just friends, we laughed and joked about girls, guys, our experiences and even sex toys. Standing in the kitchen I couldn’t help catching a moment as I looked at her, I felt as if I was looking at her with someone else’s eyes, seeing something different maybe. It was just in that split second, nothing more, but in that time I felt a little too turned on, or was it just all of that alcohol flowing through my body. Watching her in a way she laughed, her relaxed demeanor, she this radiant glow revealing the little wild spirit hidden deep inside her that I enjoyed to see.

I quietly watched as she reached in to the fridge to get a little more to drink, ensuring our glasses stayed topped up while our night continued. As she did, I found myself feeling a little more playful and without any thought I touched and I grabbed her arm to help balance her as she swung the fridge door shut. An innocent movement but in doing so and making that physical connection I felt a spark of excitement, like fireworks exploding in my chest. I’m still not sure why, but I did. Our bodies were close, as they had been most of that night, allowing us the intimacy to talk and chat and pour our drinks. I loved that I could smell the thousand kisses perfume she always wore, a perfume I only ever associated with her. I became more aware of the closeness but I found it suddenly more attractive and so extremely intimate. It was just a second, that’s all it took, a second in which I caught her eye, the talking stopped in that moment I found myself leaning in and kissing her soft, gentle lips. I didn’t hesitate or move, but found her kissing me back. Our lips at first testing the response before allowing so much more to happen. I closed my eyes and enjoyed that moment we were exploring together as we kissed with passion and appeal, neither of us pulling away.

hk.jpg

I hugged her in close to me and lifted her up onto the counter, her hand stretched out to the side of the fridge and knocking magnets off. We pulled away from that kiss and laughed, my hand rested on her jaw line as we looked into each other’s eyes. She smirked at me and leaned in for another kiss, content and comfortable; our kisses continued. Our hands moving around each other’s bodies and through each other’s hair. I pulled away from her and said “wait right here.” I ran to my bedroom because I wanted to try out a new toy I had just gotten. I came back and she grabbed my face, pulling me into her kiss.

Continue reading “Tiff”

Happy Me

When I think about “Happy Me” my mind races back to you.

It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. “Happy Me” is playing in snow, laughing out loud.

My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind gets stuck on your eyes, your smirk, you making fun of me. My mind gets stuck on you, for days at a time.

When I think of “Happy Me” I get sad because Happy Me, she is still head over heels in love with you. “Happy Me,” she’s not over you – how am I supposed to be “Happy Me” again when she isn’t happy anymore?

Life moves on, so should we

I let you kiss me with wine on your lips; when I don’t even really like wine, but I took  that dose from your lips.  I got drunk from your drunkenness and remembered why it’s always late whenever you call.
All of the half assed friendships and half assed love interests..
I’m not a drunken call or text to come over.  I’m not a convenient friend, I’m not an option to you or anyone else for that matter.  I’ve made myself a priority when it comes to lov eand friendship and I wont’ let myself forget that  ever again.
Do not mistake me for that same girl.  It’s light outside and I care more about myself now.  Do not mistake me for that same girl ready to love you while you only can give halfway.
 
I don’t need you.  Text someone else when the wine hits.
499ff284736937e781b5ee4192f0cc75.jpg

Call on me

Whenever I am going through a difficult time, I may hesitate to call even my best friends because I don’t want to burden them with my troubles.  This is especially true when I’ve been going through several challenges, even repeat challenges and I start to feel like I sound like a broken record.

56

It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it’s a good time for them before we start talking, and if it’s not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend.

I know for myself that when I have a good friend, I don’t want them to suffer alone when I am just a simple and sometimes not so simple phone call away.   I want them to call me and share their sorrows with me, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about.

It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying about if we are a burden or not.   I never want anyone to feel bad about coming to me, chances are I will reassure you that I am more than happy to be there for you.  In fact, rather than feeling burdened, I always feel better when I have been able to help a friend simply by listening emphatically while they vent or cry.

Without our friends, we would be distressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when you include your friends in the full story of your life–the good, the bad, the ugly and the in between –you begin to build authentic friendships that allow us to be who we truly are.

So if you ever feel like you need an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on or anything else; call on me to be your friend.  I’ll be there.

Love is easy

I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart.

It’s exhausting loving someone and treating someone with their best interest at heart but when do you put your best interest first?

When do you say enough is enough, when do you stop giving so many extra chances?

I’ll always give you my best shot, I’ll always give you 110%. I’ll always give you everything I can but if it starts to seem like a one way relationship or it’s always me trying to make it work. I can’t promise you I’ll stick around.

If I’m giving you my attention and time and I’m involving you in my world or at least attempting to…I am doing it because I want you to be a part of my life, because I want more with you.

Everyone says “I’m not like the rest.” The thing is though I’m not, you just have to give me the chance to prove it. You’ve got to give me a real chance!

World Kindness Day

Today is world Kindness Day and I figured a post about kindness was very fitting. 

Untitled+design+(1)

Kindness is an ideal that could be accessible to all of us.  One small act of kindness can make our days, weeks and even months lighter and more enjoyable. In some cases even bringing an instance of kindness to someone can put a smile on your face and theirs; days or weeks later and maybe even inspire them to share kindness with someone else.

Though it may seem simple, many cultures throughout the world and history have recognized kindness as a powerful entity. It may be the simplest way to experience and share all the grandest ideals of humanity. We can make the choice to act from the best place within ourselves at any point in time.

Kindness, in a way, acts as the oil that allows the engines of our world’s to move smoothly. We can still get where ever it may be that we are going but the ride will be much more pleasant. We can all benefit from the fact that kindness is limitless in its supply and it’s available to everyone and anyone at any given time. When we act in ways that manifest our ideals, we make the ideal our reality.

Whether you’re letting someone in, in traffic or letting someone go ahead of you in line, holding a door open or even donating money,  we actively create a universe of kindness and giving with every single choice we make. The smallest thing could bring a smile to someones’ difficult or upsetting day but it’s effects could echo and extend far beyond that one moment. We can be certain that we will receive kindness in return, but giving kindness is its own reward.

Best relationship I’ve had

If I had a dollar for every time I said “I’m going to be single for a while” or “I’m focusing on myself.” I’d had retired three years ago at age 25!

This time, something has changed inside of me, I don’t know how to explain it but its a tired feeling, tired of the endless roller coaster of my cursed “love life.” Truth is, it’s not cursed; my heart, myself, we just weren’t ready for any of them. I have yet to really love myself. Loving yourself starts with liking yourself which starts with respecting yourself which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways. I am no where near where I need to be but I’m a work in progress and I’m working hard. Below are a few of my favorite quotes I’ve been reading through this week.

You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.”

“Demonstrate love by giving it, unconditionally, to yourself. And as you do, you will attract others into your life who will love you without conditions.

“Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself.”

Check out this book that helped me!!!!

//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=50shadesofple-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1439274290&asins=1439274290&linkId=b7b0ede84ae1d0ed3b065ad30afaa4a6&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=true&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff