Call on me

Whenever I am going through a difficult time, I may hesitate to call even my best friends because I don’t want to burden them with my troubles.  This is especially true when I’ve been going through several challenges, even repeat challenges and I start to feel like I sound like a broken record.

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It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it’s a good time for them before we start talking, and if it’s not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend.

I know for myself that when I have a good friend, I don’t want them to suffer alone when I am just a simple and sometimes not so simple phone call away.   I want them to call me and share their sorrows with me, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about.

It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying about if we are a burden or not.   I never want anyone to feel bad about coming to me, chances are I will reassure you that I am more than happy to be there for you.  In fact, rather than feeling burdened, I always feel better when I have been able to help a friend simply by listening emphatically while they vent or cry.

Without our friends, we would be distressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when you include your friends in the full story of your life–the good, the bad, the ugly and the in between –you begin to build authentic friendships that allow us to be who we truly are.

So if you ever feel like you need an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on or anything else; call on me to be your friend.  I’ll be there.

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World War III

     There’s three sides in this war;  me, myself and I.

I think all three sides are fighting for the same thing but none want to accept it. I’m not 100% sure where any of the three sides stands firmly on either side of this war though, each day is a different view, a different argument and a different battle.  

To love and to be loved, isn’t that what almost everyone wants?  Well used to think that love was everything and without it, I was nothing.  There was something so magical about having someone with you 24/7, someone to go to and be there for.  Yet, now am not even certain it’s something as important in my life any longer.  Is marriage really worth it any more?  Is marriage even the goal for anyone that is single today? It sure doesn’t seem like it. I know people who get married for all of the wrong reasons and are never genuinely happy.

Marriage, that’s a touchy topic for most people.  As for me, every day is a different thought.  I’ve got friends getting married left and right, finding their “forever’s” and starting families.  Everything in me screams to follow suit but then there is that little voice that whispers, travel, adventure, explore the world.  Which that is a dream of mine but when I get home from those adventures, when that wanderlust is satisfied… I walk in the door and it’s just me there.  I have no one to come home to, it’s a straight shot from cloud nine to the ground with no parachute.

Then the side that is for myself I have yet to figure out what it wants either.  This side says things like “I’m not looking for something serious”, “I’m open to seeing what happens”, “I want to take things slow.”  Only to end up rushing into things and wanting more but not getting anything back.  On the flip side, when things do show some kind of connection and as if it is going somewhere, I turn face and run.  I hide myself, in hopes of protecting my own heart I guess; I’m really not sure. I have watched friends who say they’re so in love but on the inside, they have settled for less than what they deserve. It’s a catch 22 pretty much.  I know myself too well and I know what is going to happen, yet I still let it.

My friends and family that are married, they laugh and joke “I thank God I don’t have to date anymore, it’s not what it used to be.”  “Dating is a joke in today’s world.”  Well guess what y’all?  Anyone that is trying to date and find a “forever,” they’re stuck in this world – we are stuck trying to find a “forever” in a world filled with liars, players, cheaters and people afraid of commitment.  So be cautious when you say that, be aware that maybe someone is hurting and struggling with deciding if it’s even worth it for them, despite how much deep down they do want that forever kind of love.

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Just some thoughts I need to put down.

Pages turn, chapters end and those endings NEVER come out how you would’ve thought or expected. True colors can be the greatest or the worst experience in your life, people you thought you knew; you discover they’re somebody completely different. Time changes everyone, some for better and others for worse. Lessons get learned whether you’re ready to be taught or not.

Strangers

We all start as strangers, there is no doubt about that.

The choices that we make in terms of love are usually ones that seem to be inevitable anyway.

We will find people irrationally compelling. We will find souls made of the same stuff ours are. We will find classmates and partners and neighbors and family friends and cousins and sisters in our lives and we intersect in a way that makes them feel like they couldn’t have ever been separate. And this, this is lovely.among_strangers_by_lesley_oldaker-d8j255o

But the ease and access isn’t what we crave.

 

It isn’t what I’m writing about right now.

 

It isn’t what we revolve around and worry about after it’s gone.

We are all just waiting for another universe to collide with ours, to change what we can’t change ourselves.  To fill us, to make us feel whole.

It’s interesting how afterwards, we realize that the storms always return to calm, but the stars will always be changed and we don’t choose whose collisions will change us.

We all start as strangers, but we often tend to forget that we also choose who ends up as a stranger too.

 

 

Running is my therapy

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I’m not the best runner but I continue to run.   Running is the alone time that allows my brain to untangle the webs that have built up in my mind over the past day or two.

Despite the pain, because it heals my emotional pain.

Despite the self-doubt, because when I’m done – I’ve conquered myself.

Despite the chaos in my life, running allows me to find peace within myself.

When I’m feeling stressed, sad, happy or I just need to clear my head – I run.

The running path is a great listener and it’s free therapy.

My favorite little saying is:  Turn your headphones on and turn the world off.

These headphones are my absolute favorite, they are Bluetooth and sound cancelling.  Amazon has a few color options and they ship straight to you!  Check them out by clicking on them below!

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Eli

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I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing and moving all over but between the glares I could make out this smile. Jesus was her smile flawless, we ended up moving closer to each other and eventually were dancing together, as the song winded down our faces were so close I just kissed her, it was electrifying.

Continue reading “Eli”

Friendship

So, they say you can have three types of friends – A friend for a reason, a season and a lifetime.  There are individual reasoning’s behind each one but it never states if they can cross over or change; I’ve had friends that should’ve been lifetime friends become friends for a season and then friends that were there as if sent just for one reason that have become lifetime friends.

I truly feel there are multiple types of friends you can have, from that one true best friend to an adventure buddy, a work friend, a wise mentor, a polar opposite friend and a brutally honest friend.  Everyone needs their circle, it doesn’t mean the friends in that circle need to be connected – Hell, they don’t even have to know each other necessarily.  Your friends are your “team” so to speak, they all play different positions and have a different impact in your life.

I have been blessed with a handful of amazing people that have come into my life and stand by my side at the end of every day, I know they have my back at all times.  They also aren’t afraid to call me out on my “bullshit” and put me in my place when I am wrong.  I am so grateful to my team, my people, my friends.

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To the friends from my past, I am grateful beyond words for the memories.  The lifetime friends that have turned into seasons and even reasons.  The lessons you’ve taught me; good, bad and indifferent.  Thank you.  There will always be a place in my heart for the friendship we once shared but people change and as we get older, people who were once like sisters; they’ll grow apart.  But friendship is like glass and once broken it can be fixed but cracks will remain.  There is no hate in my heart and when you reminisce on the memories I hope you smile like I do because they are some of the best laughs, tears and memories I could ask for.

There was a quote I saw the other day that brought up this post’s inspiration and it says “We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.”  

We all having “falling outs” and normally we all mend the friendships but some, some can’t be completely healed.  Some friendships, once lost – they’re gone forever and it’s a sad day when the realization of that occurs.  So to my lifetime’s turned into seasons; I’ll always be here, I’ll forever cheer you on from a distance and for a lifetime I’ll be nothing but happy for you.

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