Happy Me

When I think about “Happy Me” my mind races back to you.

It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. “Happy Me” is playing in snow, laughing out loud.

My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind gets stuck on your eyes, your smirk, you making fun of me. My mind gets stuck on you, for days at a time.

When I think of “Happy Me” I get sad because Happy Me, she is still head over heels in love with you. “Happy Me,” she’s not over you – how am I supposed to be “Happy Me” again when she isn’t happy anymore?

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Call on me

Whenever I am going through a difficult time, I may hesitate to call even my best friends because I don’t want to burden them with my troubles.  This is especially true when I’ve been going through several challenges, even repeat challenges and I start to feel like I sound like a broken record.

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It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it’s a good time for them before we start talking, and if it’s not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend.

I know for myself that when I have a good friend, I don’t want them to suffer alone when I am just a simple and sometimes not so simple phone call away.   I want them to call me and share their sorrows with me, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about.

It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying about if we are a burden or not.   I never want anyone to feel bad about coming to me, chances are I will reassure you that I am more than happy to be there for you.  In fact, rather than feeling burdened, I always feel better when I have been able to help a friend simply by listening emphatically while they vent or cry.

Without our friends, we would be distressed to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow. On the other hand, when you include your friends in the full story of your life–the good, the bad, the ugly and the in between –you begin to build authentic friendships that allow us to be who we truly are.

So if you ever feel like you need an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on or anything else; call on me to be your friend.  I’ll be there.

Love is easy

I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart.

It’s exhausting loving someone and treating someone with their best interest at heart but when do you put your best interest first?

When do you say enough is enough, when do you stop giving so many extra chances?

I’ll always give you my best shot, I’ll always give you 110%. I’ll always give you everything I can but if it starts to seem like a one way relationship or it’s always me trying to make it work. I can’t promise you I’ll stick around.

If I’m giving you my attention and time and I’m involving you in my world or at least attempting to…I am doing it because I want you to be a part of my life, because I want more with you.

Everyone says “I’m not like the rest.” The thing is though I’m not, you just have to give me the chance to prove it. You’ve got to give me a real chance!

World War III

     There’s three sides in this war;  me, myself and I.

I think all three sides are fighting for the same thing but none want to accept it. I’m not 100% sure where any of the three sides stands firmly on either side of this war though, each day is a different view, a different argument and a different battle.  

To love and to be loved, isn’t that what almost everyone wants?  Well used to think that love was everything and without it, I was nothing.  There was something so magical about having someone with you 24/7, someone to go to and be there for.  Yet, now am not even certain it’s something as important in my life any longer.  Is marriage really worth it any more?  Is marriage even the goal for anyone that is single today? It sure doesn’t seem like it. I know people who get married for all of the wrong reasons and are never genuinely happy.

Marriage, that’s a touchy topic for most people.  As for me, every day is a different thought.  I’ve got friends getting married left and right, finding their “forever’s” and starting families.  Everything in me screams to follow suit but then there is that little voice that whispers, travel, adventure, explore the world.  Which that is a dream of mine but when I get home from those adventures, when that wanderlust is satisfied… I walk in the door and it’s just me there.  I have no one to come home to, it’s a straight shot from cloud nine to the ground with no parachute.

Then the side that is for myself I have yet to figure out what it wants either.  This side says things like “I’m not looking for something serious”, “I’m open to seeing what happens”, “I want to take things slow.”  Only to end up rushing into things and wanting more but not getting anything back.  On the flip side, when things do show some kind of connection and as if it is going somewhere, I turn face and run.  I hide myself, in hopes of protecting my own heart I guess; I’m really not sure. I have watched friends who say they’re so in love but on the inside, they have settled for less than what they deserve. It’s a catch 22 pretty much.  I know myself too well and I know what is going to happen, yet I still let it.

My friends and family that are married, they laugh and joke “I thank God I don’t have to date anymore, it’s not what it used to be.”  “Dating is a joke in today’s world.”  Well guess what y’all?  Anyone that is trying to date and find a “forever,” they’re stuck in this world – we are stuck trying to find a “forever” in a world filled with liars, players, cheaters and people afraid of commitment.  So be cautious when you say that, be aware that maybe someone is hurting and struggling with deciding if it’s even worth it for them, despite how much deep down they do want that forever kind of love.

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Those Blue Eyes

I don’t think you realize how easy it is to fall into the oceans that are your eyes. They stop me in my tracks and take my breath away, the way the light hits them sometimes I drown in the waves of those oceans.

Getting lost in your eyes is the equivalent of getting lost at sea, I don’t know which way is home. Truth is, your eyes were home for me and now that I don’t have your eyes the way I used to, I don’t know which way to go. I’m lost at sea with no compass, no map and without your eyes.

Somedays I think I’m better off just staying lost out at sea because what if no ones eyes have this impact on me. What if there’s never another you, never another set of blue eyes like that.

Eli

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I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing and moving all over but between the glares I could make out this smile. Jesus was her smile flawless, we ended up moving closer to each other and eventually were dancing together, as the song winded down our faces were so close I just kissed her, it was electrifying.

Continue reading “Eli”

Kristy

There was a new girl at work, Kristy. I never do well with new people normally, my patience is always thin and I don’t necessarily like change.  This one ended up being different though, over the next few months we worked together multiple times each week. It just seemed that my lust wouldn’t stop growing as I’d admire her toned body, check out her expertly applied makeup, and dream about kissing her glossed lips. At certain times of the year, our company would sponsor the local children’s hospital which meant temporarily new uniforms! For some reason, the new shirts seemed to emphasize her tits, which during one discussion she had mentioned were an all-natural D.

I did begin playfully flirting with her. Mostly because it’s my personality anyways, but with her, I couldn’t hold back the serious undertone. I was taking inventory one night and putting the liquor away and she simply stepped up behind me to reach around my side. As she did, she pressed up against me slightly. I stood there frozen, mind completely empty, until she realized our situation and pulled back with an embarrassed laugh. We joked as only women could about the situation, but I was left wet and frustrated.

A few nights later we went out for drinks after we got off of work, it was just us so I sat next to her at the bar. She had her legs crossed and her top leg was wrapped up in my leg. My hand kept finding itself resting on her thigh as we were talking and just getting to know each other on a more personal level. Kristy was telling me about her past relationship and how he was just awful to her, it was breaking my heart and all I wanted to do was kiss her but I held back. After a couple of hours we decided to head out, I walked her to her car and she had asked if I wanted to see her new place, I hesitated but accepted and followed her there. We got to her door and the dim porch light was shining as we laughed because she was buzzed and couldn’t get the door unlocked, I offered to help and she stepped to the side. First try and the door unlocked, she shot me this grin, pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I swung the door open more as we stepped inside keeping our lips together, our tongues slipping in and out of the others mouth, She took my hand and led me to the couch. She laid on top of me, our legs intertwining. She stretched out along me, stretching our arms over our heads. This pressed our breasts into each other, and she brought her leg up. I looked up at her through half-drunk eyes, and saw the same desire looking down at me. I ran my hand down her arm to her breast, squeezing it up to my mouth as I sucked her nipple in. I flicked my tongue rapidly over it and she gasped, her other hand grasping mine. I lightly nibbled it with my teeth, which made her hips ripple in pleasure, then ran my hand back up her arm before repeating the whole thing on the other side.

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After doing so, I kissed her deep and sensual before opening my eyes and gazing into hers as I kissed my way down her body. My hands trailed down her body, and I kissed all around her flat, toned stomach, my hands squeezing each of her breasts, rubbing them, teasing her nipples.

After covering her belly with kisses, I worked my way down to her crotch, dragging the blankets with me, nibbling her clit and the inside of her thighs. My hands continued working her boobs, as she kept her arms stretched over her head. Eventually, I palmed her breasts as I took my first teasing lick of her soaked slit. I could smell her arousal, and had tasted some of it on her thighs. It in no way compared to the nectar straight from the source. I drove my tongue deep inside her, my nose rubbing on her clit. She gasped, then moaned in pleasure as she began to rub her clit against my nose. I sucked hard on her vaginal opening, and her thighs clenched my head as she gave a cry of pleasure. She reached down and ran her fingers through my hair, humping my face blatantly.

I brought a hand down and began fingering her, seeking out her g-spot as I flicked my tongue rapidly over her clit. As I rubbed against her g-spot inside of her, her hips began thrusting harder and faster. Suddenly her vaginal muscles seized my fingers and her juices gushed over my hands arm, and face. It only made me more hungry for her, as I finger fucked her to another orgasm, then a third.

Finally, she pushed me away and off her, then literally threw me up to the head of the bed.  She crawled up to me and we cuddled, side by side, wrapped around each other, until we fell asleep.