#FindingElizabeth

I am not one who usually looks too deep into dreams or anything like that, so this will sound crazy

This one dream has been haunting me, I had a crazy dream about three years ago…

I was vacationing with a girl I was clearly with. I could see everything so vividly, her long wavy brunette hair, her teal tank top with black jeans.  The only thing that I couldn’t see was her face – it was a blank blur. We were walking down a main street that had a cobble road.  We were holding hands, laughing and the happiness I felt was overflowing.  There was military and police coming from every direction yelling we were under attack and flooding people up in to a nearby parking garage.

We all walked briskly to the top and waited up there, we heard the gun shots and what sounded like explosions, the garage started shaking, it was collapsing.. I hugged her and kissed her forehead, I said “I love you Elizabeth” and then woke up in a panic.

I have never dated or known an Elizabeth.. so the #FindingElizabeth was a tad popular for me for a while.  It was a dream that shook me, how could one person’s imagination be so wildly spastic that it ends with a dream like that.

Has anyone else ever had mind blowing, crazy dreams like that or am I the only weirdo? LOL

 

 

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Layla Layla Layla..

I wrote your post a week ago and you’ve been stuck on my mind since.

The memories that the drugs had erased are crashing back into me relentlessly.

I’ve been remembering vividly the way your hands fit into mine, the way you’d pull my arm into you while we were cuddling. It’s crazy how my lips remember the way it felt to kiss you, I can feel it all as if we were together yesterday. Your voice rings gently through my head, the softness in your tone.. it’s all clear as day.

I keep pushing the thoughts away, the slight wish for a “do-over” but I’ll keep pushing them away until you say otherwise.

Pain

 

While it is painful to forget someone, it is also painful to wait for someone but the truest pain, the toughest pain is trying to decide if you should wait or forget.

Pain will always come and go.  It is just one major component to the grand scheme of life and love.  It is in fact one of life’s great teachers, but it is necessary to move through it and not get stuck.

Pain can and will serve as a necessary teacher.

When we were children, it was natural for us to cry or throw a temper tantrum, it allowed the experience to move through us. Through the tears, yelling and crying, our emotions would flee and we would be washed clean in a sense.

As we got older we noticed and learned that expressing emotion in such a way was no longer appropriate, and so we were forced to develop coping strategies to deal with our feelings and emotions.

We may have begun bottling things up or just chose to run away from all of it.

Perhaps we fell into a state of mind that staying closed off and unwilling to try new things as it would keep us safe from any potential heartbreak, it would keep us safe from any rejection, and most definitely safe from future failures.

Pain comes with a sadistic side to it as well, no matter how well we know someone or something is bad for us; we continue to chase them, we continue to wait for them.  It leads us to have an inner war with ourselves as to why we should not let them go, why we should see what could happen.

If you’ve ever gotten a tattoo – there is a therapeutic release that occurs for some of us.  The pain brings ease, getting a tattoo relieves stress for me.  Many girls dye or cut their hair after a break up, to that I say… Screw Cupid’s Arrow; hit me with a tattoo needle!

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One Day

“Happily ever after”

Finding your forever, building a family, making life long memories; that’s the dream isn’t it?

I’ve been watching friend after friend get married, start a family and live all of the moments I’ve been dreaming of. Measuring my life up against anybody else is a waste of time because I will never be them and they will never be me.

I know “one day” it’ll happen and my time will come to have these moments in life but the process of waiting for it is annoying. Literally feel like I am trying to find forever in all the wrong places.

Until then though, I will continue to enjoy the baby snuggles and moments I get to share along side my friends with their little ones.

I will continue to travel and make memories that I can one day tell as stories to my children.

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It is what it is

Nothing I ever do seems good enough for anyone, maybe that’s why I am so hard on myself and why I am constantly angry with myself. How could I expect myself to have confidence and an ounce of self worth and pride when I don’t get it from anyone else in my life.

I’m not stupid, I know I care too much, I love too hard, forgive too easily and I know I come off too strong. I feel like I do this to make up for whatever it is I may be “missing” inside myself. Yes, a lot of people take advantage of it and a lot of people try to walk all over me.

9 times out of 10, I lay down and take it. Then there are those rare occasions that I choose to stand up for myself, stand up for what I believe in.

I tirelessly work towards a future and whatever I think will make me happy; yes it changes often.

I don’t really know where I was going with this post, besides the fact that I know I have a good heart and if that’s not enough for you or if it’s “too much”… well it’s going to be your loss from now on.

I’m no longer blaming myself and giving out unnecessary apologies for being who I am.

-Goodnight

Disney and the LGBT community

Y’all for decades, Disney has supported the LGBT community.  

  • They had their first “Gay Day’s” in 1991 – a week full of celebrating the LGBT community IN THE PARKS and making certain that Disney is a “safe place” for us.
  • They provide health benefits to employees and their “Partners” since 1995.
  • 2007 was the first “fairy tale wedding” that involved a same-sex couple.
  • George Kaolgridis is the damn President of Disney and he is OPENLY GAY y’all.

So to all of you on Facebook throwing a fit over this photo that the Fairy tale wedding Facebook page posted…..

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Ya’ll are showing so much hate from this photo of TWO PEOPLE, TWO HUMANS in love….. Just a reminder for you of other things also called an “abomination” in the Bible:

Egyptians eating with Hebrews;

having an image of another god in your house;

sacrificing your child;

hating thy neighbor;

having sex with your wife when she is menstruating;

taking your wife’s sister as a second wife;

and eating pork.

Banned likewise is wearing mixed-fabric clothing, interbreeding animals of different species, tattoos, mocking the blind by putting obstacles in their way, and trimming your beard.

As you can see, there is quite an assortment of ancient laws, some of which seem to make good sense and others of which the majority of Christians no longer keep.  To claim one set as timeless truths while ignoring the others is hypocritical and goes against the grain of the text itself!

My final remarks…. y’all probably masturbate to Lesbian porn BUT that’s your sin to handle. 

 

Just a day in the life.

Coworker: *sneezes*

Me: “bless you.”

Coworker: *sneezes*

Me: “bless you for the day.”

……About 30 minutes later

Coworker: *sneezes*

Me: “bless you.”

Coworker: *sneezes*

Me: “bless you for the day.”

Coworker: “you can’t bless me for the day, you already did.”

Me: “I am Lord of the Lesbians, I will bless whoever and however many times I want.”

Coworker: “you should make that your new blog.”

LMAO 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 well here we are.