Grief

This post isn’t a normal one for this blog but it’s weighing heavy on my heart this week, leading up to my birthday.

If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.  My life feels like it’s been broken up into two parts, with Nannie and After Nannie.  (Nannie is my great grandma who was all of our world.  She was a spunky firecracker and could make anyone laugh any given day.)  After Nannie, nothing has been the same, no holiday has felt complete, everything always feels like there is a giant hole of something that is missing.

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I thought I had more time with her, even though I knew it was coming…I was never going to be prepared for it, for how bad it would hurt.  It’s a touchy subject for me, God.. but I know God broke my heart just to show me he only takes the best.

The hardest part is learning to live without you Nannie.  It is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to do the past two years.  August is two years since you left us and nothing has ever felt the same.  Life without you has an emptiness to it.

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They say time heals all wounds, but does it really?  You never complete grief, you just learn to endure it.  You don’t ever finish grieving because where there is deep grief, there was great love.  How do you ever stop missing that love, that person, those memories.

 

I’ll miss you forever and a day Nannie. ❤

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I owe you nothing

Lying to save your own face may make you temporarily pretty, you can paint this picture of yourself as a victim and innocent but the secrets that have been hiding in the dark will come to light.  Time has a way of showing true colors, so don’t be offended by the truth when it comes out.

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I own up to my past and my mistakes.  I own up to things I’ve done and I don’t hide who I am or was.  I respect and love people, even AFTER they have done me wrong.  You can’t let people scare you, you can’t go your whole life trying to please everyone else.  You can’t go through life worried what others think of you, what you say and how you feel.  Don’t let the judgement of others stop you from being you; because the day you change who you are for someone else, that’s the day you stop being you.  Everything I have been through, every moment of pain, hurt and happiness has molded me to the person I am today.

In writing this blog, I have found a way to not only heal but accept myself in an entirely new way.  I am learning things about myself I wasn’t even aware of.  I am proud of who I am and I am proud of who this blog is helping me become!  THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT HAS SUPPORTED AND CONTINUES TO SUPPORT ME WITH THIS!