When I think about “Happy Me” my mind races back to you.
It races back to our time together.. Our disagreements and all of our memories. “Happy Me” is playing in snow, laughing out loud.
My mind floods with pictures I have cherished since the beginning, I remember your kisses and your laugh. My mind gets stuck on your eyes, your smirk, you making fun of me. My mind gets stuck on you, for days at a time.
When I think of “Happy Me” I get sad because Happy Me, she is still head over heels in love with you. “Happy Me,” she’s not over you – how am I supposed to be “Happy Me” again when she isn’t happy anymore?
I let you kiss me with wine on your lips; when I don’t even really like wine, but I took that dose from your lips. I got drunk from your drunkenness and remembered why it’s always late whenever you call.
All of the half assed friendships and half assed love interests..
I’m not a drunken call or text to come over. I’m not a convenient friend, I’m not an option to you or anyone else for that matter. I’ve made myself a priority when it comes to lov eand friendship and I wont’ let myself forget that ever again.
Do not mistake me for that same girl. It’s light outside and I care more about myself now. Do not mistake me for that same girl ready to love you while you only can give halfway.
I don’t need you. Text someone else when the wine hits.
I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart.
It’s exhausting loving someone and treating someone with their best interest at heart but when do you put your best interest first?
When do you say enough is enough, when do you stop giving so many extra chances?
I’ll always give you my best shot, I’ll always give you 110%. I’ll always give you everything I can but if it starts to seem like a one way relationship or it’s always me trying to make it work. I can’t promise you I’ll stick around.
If I’m giving you my attention and time and I’m involving you in my world or at least attempting to…I am doing it because I want you to be a part of my life, because I want more with you.
Everyone says “I’m not like the rest.” The thing is though I’m not, you just have to give me the chance to prove it. You’ve got to give me a real chance!
Pages turn, chapters end and those endings NEVER come out how you would’ve thought or expected. True colors can be the greatest or the worst experience in your life, people you thought you knew; you discover they’re somebody completely different. Time changes everyone, some for better and others for worse. Lessons get learned whether you’re ready to be taught or not.
I don’t think you realize how easy it is to fall into the oceans that are your eyes. They stop me in my tracks and take my breath away, the way the light hits them sometimes I drown in the waves of those oceans.
Getting lost in your eyes is the equivalent of getting lost at sea, I don’t know which way is home. Truth is, your eyes were home for me and now that I don’t have your eyes the way I used to, I don’t know which way to go. I’m lost at sea with no compass, no map and without your eyes.
Somedays I think I’m better off just staying lost out at sea because what if no ones eyes have this impact on me. What if there’s never another you, never another set of blue eyes like that.
Single is NOT a status. Single is a word that describes someone that is strong enough to live and enjoy their lives without depending on others. I am someone that LOVES, LOVE. Yet I’ve never given myself the true chance to LOVE MYSELF. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. Anyone that knows me knows that when I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have some type of interest in somebody. I love having a “texting buddy.” I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. Moving on is hard for me, though, simply because I love being in love.
Now I have focused on finding myself, healing myself, loving myself, being passionate, getting fit, growing friendships, meeting new people and making memories. Not a day goes by that I regret this decision, to be single. The thing is, I’m not single… I am simply dating myself. I’ve learned to appreciate being single because it’s since I’ve been single that I have grown the most, I have become what I’ve spent years looking for. That “Do Not Disturb” sign is still hanging on my heart because for now at least, my heart is happy.
This next girl I met through social media. Britt is this stunningly and smoking hot girl who has thousands of followers, I was crushing on her for a good while. She has a bunch of tattoos and the way her smile is so infectious was just mind blowing. Her voice was this raspy but sexy tone and her laugh, I’d do anything to hear it when we spoke. I got the chance to get to know her a bit before she ghosted me, she was a kind and beautiful soul who had been through some rough shit and I wanted to continue to get to know her more. I kept trying to reach out but after 3 days, I let it go.
A little bit over a year went by before I spoke to her again, it was like she came out of nowhere. I was just going through a break up and so was she, we were each other’s ears to listen to. She lived in Tampa and was willing to drive down for the Holiday weekend, I was nervous as hell but super excited. (I hadn’t met her in person yet.) She got in town and I showed her around a bit, it wasn’t awkward or anything at all to my surprise. We ended up going out that night for drinks with a few of my friends, she fit right in and it was kind of surreal in the aspect of the fact that I hadn’t had a day where my ex didn’t cross my mind until that night with Britt.
We had an amazing night out, several drinks and plenty of laughs. We had a heart to heart talk about both of our break ups and I just genuinely felt closer to her in a matter of a few hours. We got home and as we laid down, she placed her head on my chest. I played with her hair for a bit while we kept talking, she was slowly turning her face up towards me when I leaned my head down to meet hers. I sat up some to kiss her, my hand gently resting under her jaw line I pulled her closer into our kiss.
Continue reading “Britt”