J IIII

J IIII

Before getting into this story – you need to understand how toxic this person is to my life, how toxic a relationship and engagement it was.

Long story short… We were together for years, we were supposed to get married, we used together, I walked in on her cheating and we split. I got clean a little while later. She was in and out of my life for a couple of years and made an appearance once again towards the end of last year. All toxic meetings, all toxic conversations and all toxic interactions. This weekend being one of the most recent and instant regrets.

J, she is this bad habit I can’t kick. She wouldn’t stop reaching out and I finally gave in, I answered the call and let her know I had nothing to say and I didn’t want to see her. My family was away and she had driven by once or twice apparently to make sure it was just me. I heard a knock on my door and the dogs all went ape shit, I walk out to the living room and immediately felt my stomach sink to the floor, my heart was in my feet. It was her, there was no smile, there was a look of defeat and shame. I opened the door and asked what she needed, she said “I just need to see you, I just need a moment..Can I come in please?” I was in a moment of weakness, I caved. I stepped to the side and let her follow me to the couch, I said “what’s going on?” She lowered her head, covered her face and cried. I placed my one hand on her back, the other tucked her hair out of her face and said “I’m here, just talk to me.” Regardless of it all, of everything we had been through… it still killed me to see her so distraught.

J laid her head against my shoulder and I leaned in and hugged her, I felt her turn her head up towards me as I felt her tears falling down my neck. I could feel her lips press against my neck and I tried to ignore it but my hand found her chin, I pulled her up into me and we kissed. We were both crying now but never stopped kissing, there is so much toxicity and so much heartbreak between us that it somehow connects us despite our own mistakes.

She got up and leaned over kissing me, pulled on my hands, gesturing me to get up. I couldn’t deny her, I couldn’t turn it off – I kissed her the whole way into my room. We laid on the bed kissing as it got more and more intense. She pulled her shirt off over her head and pulled her yoga pants down kicking them off as they got tangled around her ankles. Her body looked exactly as I remembered, the one side of her collar bone poked out further from when she broke it in elementary school. The moles on her rib cage and hip were still there, the little scar right below her belly button from a bicycle accident when she was 14 is still there and still indented. I kissed the entire way down it all remembering every time I kissed there before.

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Layla

 

Layla was a cheerleader at our high school, she was a year older than me so we weren’t really close in high school. When I came home from college in West Virginia, my ex and I had recently split.. it was a very rough time in my life between drinking, drugs and putting myself into extremely sketchy scenarios.  I didn’t know how to cope with the break up from my first “love”, I turned to drugs and drinking to numb any pain I was feeling.

Layla had added me on Facebook and we started messaging back and forth until one night she had asked to come over, watch a movie and hang out. I quickly ran around the house straightening up when I heard a knock at the door, I slammed back my Jameson double shot. I opened the door to see this petite brunette who looked just as I had remembered from high school, she was wearing these soft, black leggings and a gray spaghetti strap tank top. Layla’s brown eyes pierced me as she smiled and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her tightly while lifting her off the ground and spinning around, kicking the door shut behind me with the heel of my foot. I set her down and kissed her forehead and mentioned that I have all of the movies in my room. We laid in bed for a while watching a movie but I wasn’t truly watching it, she was curled up under my arm and against my chest. I was running my fingers through her hair and was just watching her face relax, I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her and seeing her in her entirety.  I was starting to fall asleep turning my day dreaming into actual dreaming when it was interrupted by her leaning up, to give me a peck on my cheek and said I’ll be right back.

I don’t know where she went or what she was doing but knowing I was getting sleepy and wouldn’t be able to stay up much longer, I quickly rolled over and took two  bumps of my cocaine from inside my nightstand hiding spot. The bedroom door opened back up and in she walked smiling, she began crawling up the end of the bed towards me.  I was starting to get nervous, not exactly knowing what to expect from all this.  She crawled up between my legs and kissed my lips gently before passionately kissing me.  She was the first person I had kissed since my breakup.

“Relax” She said to me in a whisper as she began moving down my body with small pecks.  I pushed her over so I was on top and in control, I kissed my way down every inch of her body, she let out a soft moan as I kissed her inner thighs.

“Don’t stop Cayla.” She said as I continued to with gentle kisses. I could feel myself tingling the louder she got, I pressed my tongue against her clit and she moaned while rocking her hips back into my mouth. I was in pure ecstasy and on another level, I hadn’t slept with anyone while on anything like that before. I wanted her to orgasm, I pushed my fingers inside of her.  I ran my tongue up and down her clit flickering and sucking on it entirely.

I couldn’t help myself.  Her hips were vibrating and she came really fast.  I looked up at her and smiled, she pulled me back up to her and we kissed with a gentle passion, melting back into the bed and snuggling back up enjoying the rest of our movie night.  I laid there wide awake and restless as she dosed off to sleep in my arms.

jvm

I wish more than anything I had not used that night, I wish more than anything I hadn’t used at all. It is what it is and it is an important part of the story that made me who I am today.

 

Tiff

The evening had already been filled with laughter and gossip, catching up on so much news I felt I had missed since the last time we were together. It was a simple evening just the two of us but we hadn’t stopped laughing and gossiping and of course the alcohol flowed as it always does allowing for more conversation to expand past just friends, we laughed and joked about girls, guys, our experiences and even sex toys. Standing in the kitchen I couldn’t help catching a moment as I looked at her, I felt as if I was looking at her with someone else’s eyes, seeing something different maybe. It was just in that split second, nothing more, but in that time I felt a little too turned on, or was it just all of that alcohol flowing through my body. Watching her in a way she laughed, her relaxed demeanor, she this radiant glow revealing the little wild spirit hidden deep inside her that I enjoyed to see.

I quietly watched as she reached in to the fridge to get a little more to drink, ensuring our glasses stayed topped up while our night continued. As she did, I found myself feeling a little more playful and without any thought I touched and I grabbed her arm to help balance her as she swung the fridge door shut. An innocent movement but in doing so and making that physical connection I felt a spark of excitement, like fireworks exploding in my chest. I’m still not sure why, but I did. Our bodies were close, as they had been most of that night, allowing us the intimacy to talk and chat and pour our drinks. I loved that I could smell the thousand kisses perfume she always wore, a perfume I only ever associated with her. I became more aware of the closeness but I found it suddenly more attractive and so extremely intimate. It was just a second, that’s all it took, a second in which I caught her eye, the talking stopped in that moment I found myself leaning in and kissing her soft, gentle lips. I didn’t hesitate or move, but found her kissing me back. Our lips at first testing the response before allowing so much more to happen. I closed my eyes and enjoyed that moment we were exploring together as we kissed with passion and appeal, neither of us pulling away.

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I hugged her in close to me and lifted her up onto the counter, her hand stretched out to the side of the fridge and knocking magnets off. We pulled away from that kiss and laughed, my hand rested on her jaw line as we looked into each other’s eyes. She smirked at me and leaned in for another kiss, content and comfortable; our kisses continued. Our hands moving around each other’s bodies and through each other’s hair. I pulled away from her and said “wait right here.” I ran to my bedroom because I wanted to try out a new toy I had just gotten. I came back and she grabbed my face, pulling me into her kiss.

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Eli

the-manor

I had met Eli at a neighborhood lesbian bar, where I had been going on occasion for a couple years. The first night I laid eyes on her was out on the dance floor, this short beautiful brunette caught my eye and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. The music was loud, lights were flashing and moving all over but between the glares I could make out this smile. Jesus was her smile flawless, we ended up moving closer to each other and eventually were dancing together, as the song winded down our faces were so close I just kissed her, it was electrifying.

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Kristy

There was a new girl at work, Kristy. I never do well with new people normally, my patience is always thin and I don’t necessarily like change.  This one ended up being different though, over the next few months we worked together multiple times each week. It just seemed that my lust wouldn’t stop growing as I’d admire her toned body, check out her expertly applied makeup, and dream about kissing her glossed lips. At certain times of the year, our company would sponsor the local children’s hospital which meant temporarily new uniforms! For some reason, the new shirts seemed to emphasize her tits, which during one discussion she had mentioned were an all-natural D.

I did begin playfully flirting with her. Mostly because it’s my personality anyways, but with her, I couldn’t hold back the serious undertone. I was taking inventory one night and putting the liquor away and she simply stepped up behind me to reach around my side. As she did, she pressed up against me slightly. I stood there frozen, mind completely empty, until she realized our situation and pulled back with an embarrassed laugh. We joked as only women could about the situation, but I was left wet and frustrated.

A few nights later we went out for drinks after we got off of work, it was just us so I sat next to her at the bar. She had her legs crossed and her top leg was wrapped up in my leg. My hand kept finding itself resting on her thigh as we were talking and just getting to know each other on a more personal level. Kristy was telling me about her past relationship and how he was just awful to her, it was breaking my heart and all I wanted to do was kiss her but I held back. After a couple of hours we decided to head out, I walked her to her car and she had asked if I wanted to see her new place, I hesitated but accepted and followed her there. We got to her door and the dim porch light was shining as we laughed because she was buzzed and couldn’t get the door unlocked, I offered to help and she stepped to the side. First try and the door unlocked, she shot me this grin, pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I swung the door open more as we stepped inside keeping our lips together, our tongues slipping in and out of the others mouth, She took my hand and led me to the couch. She laid on top of me, our legs intertwining. She stretched out along me, stretching our arms over our heads. This pressed our breasts into each other, and she brought her leg up. I looked up at her through half-drunk eyes, and saw the same desire looking down at me. I ran my hand down her arm to her breast, squeezing it up to my mouth as I sucked her nipple in. I flicked my tongue rapidly over it and she gasped, her other hand grasping mine. I lightly nibbled it with my teeth, which made her hips ripple in pleasure, then ran my hand back up her arm before repeating the whole thing on the other side.

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Britt

This next girl I met through social media. Britt is this stunningly and smoking hot girl who has thousands of followers, I was crushing on her for a good while. She has a bunch of tattoos and the way her smile is so infectious was just mind blowing. Her voice was this raspy but sexy tone and her laugh, I’d do anything to hear it when we spoke. I got the chance to get to know her a bit before she ghosted me, she was a kind and beautiful soul who had been through some rough shit and I wanted to continue to get to know her more. I kept trying to reach out but after 3 days, I let it go.

A little bit over a year went by before I spoke to her again, it was like she came out of nowhere. I was just going through a break up and so was she, we were each other’s ears to listen to. She lived in Tampa and was willing to drive down for the Holiday weekend, I was nervous as hell but super excited. (I hadn’t met her in person yet.) She got in town and I showed her around a bit, it wasn’t awkward or anything at all to my surprise. We ended up going out that night for drinks with a few of my friends, she fit right in and it was kind of surreal in the aspect of the fact that I hadn’t had a day where my ex didn’t cross my mind until that night with Britt.

We had an amazing night out, several drinks and plenty of laughs. We had a heart to heart talk about both of our break ups and I just genuinely felt closer to her in a matter of a few hours. We got home and as we laid down, she placed her head on my chest. I played with her hair for a bit while we kept talking, she was slowly turning her face up towards me when I leaned my head down to meet hers. I sat up some to kiss her, my hand gently resting under her jaw line I pulled her closer into our kiss.

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K

I’ll start this one with some background before getting into it. I went to college in West Virginia and most of the sports teams had “team houses” AKA party centrals. There was the football house which was known for the slip and slide, Cornhole, flip cup relay races. The cheerleaders house which was almost always pre-gaming before going out to Wiseguyz and the basketball house which was GACKME party house! We’d always bounce between the houses each week, a crazy blend of people that always got along and had an amazing time.

Fall time in West Virginia is almost all college students favorite time, it’s football season, bonfires, (in West Virginia it means couch burning) and yes parties galore! This one Sunday afternoon in late September our football team stomped on West Virginia Wesleyan, the post game party was at the football house. We all rushed home and showered, rallied and headed down the street to party! The house was packed and the keg stands were already happening, there was a huge bonfire in the backyard and the smell of West Virginia fall was perfect!

We all were outside by the bonfire, drinking, talking and smoking, one of the cheerleaders (we will call her “K”) was talking to me about where I’m from and what Florida was like. It was an innocent conversation at first but as the drinks kept coming we were sitting closer and closer, she was starting to ask about what it’s like to be with a girl and that she had never been curious until recently. I tend to gain liquid courage as I drink, I mean who doesn’t really? So my first response was honest and then she had asked more detailed questions and I said “it’d be easier to just show you.” I could see her cheeks blushing even with the glow of the fire reflecting off her face. We had plenty of alcohol and I took the chance, I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her into my kiss. We sat there kissing for a bit and I said “you know we can leave or just go upstairs.” She grabbed my hand and we walked inside and up the stair way, we went to the bathroom and I shut the door behind us. We stood there kissing for a second and I asked if she was sure about this. She shook her head yes and continued to kiss me, I picked her up, her legs wrapped around my waist, I pushed everything on the edge of the counter away and I placed her there, next to the sink with her back against the mirror. We were kissing and her dress was pushed up above her hips. I slid her thong to the side so I could push my fingers against her clit, she gripped my back and pulled on my shirt so hard it was choking me with the pressure against my throat.

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